I know few people will agree with me, but I much prefer the night to the day. At no other time are we more free than those hours in the dark.
Of course I was one of those children who grew up afraid of the things of the dark- aliens, ghosts and boogeymen- but it also gave me some of my most precious and favourite childhood memories. Winter nighttimes in my warm pyjamas toasting marshmallows in the fireplace, cuddling up to my mother as a thunderstorm roared outside, or even sitting on the toilet in the dark, with the door slightly ajar, listening to the clothes dryer rumble a few feet away and always feeling so safe that nothing else mattered. I still love those nighttime thunderstorms, even if now it's not to cuddle up to my mother, but to disappear into the mountain of my duenna.
The night gives us peace and freedom. It's our time. Nobody tells us how to live those hours. No companies advertise products or lifestyle choices for the night. It's there to do with as you please. There are no pressures of the day. No messages of 'you should be working, or at least doing something constructive with your time'. The go-go-go lifestyle we are brought up in ceases as darkness falls. We put off our daily worries until the day. We are in the present moment, and at peace.
Living in the city, I appeciate nature more at night. The day fills the sky generally with just blue and does nothing but reveal the structures and noise around me. But at night, I lie in my backyard and listen to the wid while the stars paint me a picture of worlds I'll never know except for their lights in the darkness. Unlike the sun, I can watch the moon, study the moon, and enjoy the bumps and grazes of many lifetimes on the face that is ever changing. It is never the same every night, always a different phase.
At night I forget all about the industrial boredom around me and take in the beauty of nature. This isn't just my backyard, but it is connected to all the others by the silence that covers them all.
In the day we feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of those things around us, but at night, we take in only what we see, actually, what we need. We may be at a bustling party or in a city that never sleeps, but walk a few metres and we are returned to the safety of darkness. We are protected by what we cannot touch, but which engulfs us.
I feel at one in the darkness because there is nothing else but me and I know I am safe.
My heart is filled with darkness, not because I am evil, but because in the dark I feel not judged nor vulnerable. I may stumble and feel alone at times, but I also feel at one with everything around me because I am not afraid to reach out and touch those things and people around me. I am no longer avoiding things as I do in the day, when we rely on just our sight to tell us where, who and what we are. In the night we must rely on our other senses- touch, taste, smell and hearing- to tell us what we need to know. Suddenly we go from the light telling us what we need to know, what we need to do, to relying on ourselves and our own trust and judgement to tell us where, who and what we are. We suddenly feel a part of everything around us.
Our material world becomes obselete in the dark because you cannot compare what you cannot see. We begin to see people for their words and actions and not their looks or wealth- for in the dark we cannot see these things. We can connect with those we love and need better because we are ourselves and not the outside things we try to project for others. The tough builder becomes the gentle father who comforts his children. The woman, who during the day seems so assure of herself, becomes the one praying to God and letting go of old hurts with tears no one else needs to see. Or the couple, who has found themselves constantly bickering over issues of the day, rekindle their love when they see, not the material issues, but once again the person they live for.
I am a traitor to the day because my heart belongs to the night. My most favourite jobs have been night jobs. I find solace in the dark because it lets me be. It does not scream for attention like the brightness of the day but creeps in slowly and releases our worries. The day makes me see what I want; the night makes me appreciate wha I do have. The day pushes me to do a thousand things at once; the night shows me only what I need to do now.
Right now I am a Child of the Night. But I shall return to the Day tomorrow.